Reflections Inside

Reflecting
Some faults seen
Untidiness in mind
And flesh abroad
Traps set about
But no heed bought.
Self a jerk
Not seen as in mind until now
How acting different, and acting self
Made me imagined wretched
So self hated.
A crime from own hands
But only person hurt
Is self
So no court can be held
So no justice can be given
So no punishment can be granted
Unless pain is dealt
To self
From perpetrator.
I stand
Guilty in many senses
Censure from minds chasms
Doleful as still breathing.
The world understood
Each passing day tacitly known
Each moment, a sky clears
As understanding pains me
Mostly as a friend cannot share the feeling
I shut the door
That leads playfully to my inner self
Face hiding behind a disguise
A wizened skin shown only to others
None and no one, not one shall see
A machine that you call, Me.
Told to be myself since words heard
But more pain found from ridicule
Of being self than being just a front
So now hidden pain grows harder
From not being as should
But being another.

saami